Friday 4 December 2020 by Alex Webster

Our group should be vaccinated first, insists every group


groups want the vaccine

Every conceivable social group is stating that they should be the first to benefit from any vaccine made available to the public, according to reports this morning.

Simon Williams of Public Health England told reporters, “The pandemic has taught us two things; that we all need to pull together in times of crisis, and that our needs as individuals take precedence over public safety.

“With these lessons in mind and with a vaccination for Covid-19 now on the horizon, everyone is keen to point out that they should take priority over others.”

Initial suggestions were that the vaccine should first go to the over 60s, under 60s, school-age children, teachers, care workers, NHS workers, key workers and non-key workers such as middle managers and media strategists.

Williams went on, “It’s getting quite stressful, our department is now also coming under intense pressure from the LGBTQ community, the BAME community, the SAME community, politicians, mathematicians, Whovians, Peruvians, antediluvians, beauticians, musicians, YouTubers, boob-tubers, hoarders, bodyboarders, living abroaders, freelancers, morris dancers, necromancers, old school trancers, Basement Jaxxers and anti-vaxxers.

“But the latter group has been slagging me off on Facebook so they get it last.”

While we wait out turn to get vaccinated, why not use one of NewsThump’s facemasks HERE!

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