Office Christmas party ‘character’ forced to get shitfaced and photocopy his arse at home this year

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The complete and utter “character” in your office will have to perform his hijinks at home this year.

Simon Williams is a 44-year-old office manager who typically turns up at the Christmas shindig of Bastard & Sons with a piece of mistletoe hanging just above his beltline.

However, with the Slough-based company’s offices continuing to be closed in favour of home working, Simon is going to have to perform his shenanigans in his own house.

“There are not many opportunities for inappropriate behaviour while you’re by yourself,” said Simon, eyeing up his own dog before having a word with himself.

“I can photocopy my arse using my home printer I suppose but without the girls in payroll to drunkenly hand it to, there’s not a lot of point.

“Due to the kind of person I am, I live alone without a partner, so there’s nobody to sexually harass, and what’s the point of sexually harassing your own partner anyway?

“I probably won’t even get a written warning this year. 2020 is such a load of bollocks.”

Head of HR, Hayley Rice, said, “Actually we are having a Christmas party at the office. None of us has told Simon though and we’d appreciate it if you didn’t either.”

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