Wednesday 2 December 2020

University of Life’s Epidemiology class of 2020 leaps into action

University of life epidemiology class of 2020

The University of Life’s graduating class of epidemiologists has leapt into action today.

As the UK government announced plans for the rollout of the Pfizer Covid vaccine, a crack team of experts fresh from their University of Life degree courses, have begun dismantling the government’s position.

Recent University of Life alumnus Simon Williams told us, “You can’t trust this vaccine, because it hasn’t gone through the rigorous testing that I learned about on a YouTube video yesterday.

“Why has it all happened so quickly? Why is Bill Gates so keen to see this happen? Why have they hidden the funding from George Soros so well that we can’t find it? There are so many questions that still need answering.

“I think I speak for all University of Life epidemiology graduates when I say this vaccine should be rejected by everyone.”

Actual epidemiologist, Derek Matthews, told us, “*Sigh*.

“I know this is the age of misinformation, and I realise that social media makes it incredibly easy to trick idiots into believing nonsense, but still – this is hugely disappointing to see out the real world, rather than in the dark corners of the Internet.

“For the record, we haven’t skipped any trial phases, we’ve just run them closer together, we haven’t skipped any regulatory steps, and we haven’t found any serious side effects among the tens of thousands of people involved in the various trials.

“The irony is, the most effective way to get these people to vaccinate is to start a conspiracy theory that the government doesn’t want you to get vaccinated because it protects you not just from Covid, but also from 5G.”

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