Wednesday 2 December 2020 by Arabin Patson

People on social media under the impression Elliott Page wants the feedback of angry Daily Mail readers from Daventry


Angry and confused Daily Mail reader

Red-faced harrumphers across Britain have somehow developed the odd notion that the announcement by Juno star Elliott Page, of his gender transition, was some sort of invitation for them to give or withhold approval.

Simon Williams, one of the UK’s finest sentient fistulas, spent his morning on several social media platforms accusing Mr Page of ‘woke indoctrination’ and delivering the devastating news that a retired traffic warden in the East Midlands would not be using the new pronouns.

He went on, “It’s all millennial virtue signalling. And since I read about it on Twitter then that means my opinion on the matter is just as welcome as the barrage of support from glamorous household names.

“Well, I for one won’t be using any new bloody pronouns and I’ll call her whatever she was called before in those films I’ve never watched.

“That’s right, I said ‘her’. I bet that got you triggered, hey? Well, I’m sorry but someone has to take a stand and if I have to be carted off by Black Lives Matter to PC prison for saying what everyone thinks, then so be it.”

Mr Williams conceded that his lack of approval would be deeply hurtful to the oscar-nominated actor but explained he had no choice but to defend British values.

“I know in Hollyweird they identify as a new vegetable each week but here in Blighty we like our acting talent to be normal. I mean, would Shakespeare have put a bloke in a dress and told everyone to just accept it and focus on the story?

“That’s why I had to speak up.”

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