Wednesday 2 December 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Palaeolithic Dad refuses to discover fire, insisting family put on extra animal hides first


Palaeolithic Dad

A Palaeolithic Dad has insisted that his family puts on some extra animals hides before he starts discovering fire.

The family, particularly the teenage daughter, have been complaining about being chilly since the onset of the ice age, but Dad has put his put foot down.

“I’m not bloody made of discoveries, you know,” he said.

“I’ve discovered rudimentary tools, limited butchery and even art. I’m buggered if I’m now going to waste all my time messing about trying to discover fire just because they can’t be bothered putting on an extra hide.

“I work for a bloody living, you know.”

But his daughter has refused to accept Dad’s position, suggesting that if he really loved her, he’d discover and harness fire for her.

“Other dads wouldn’t let their families go cold like this, they’d be out rubbing sticks together, desperately trying to discover fire to keep them all nice and warm.

“But then, they probably really love their families. Not like our Dad, who’d rather we all go cold while he just sits there of an evening reading the cave paintings on the walls.”

She then began sobbing noisily in the corner of the cave. However, Dad remained unmoved.

“Oh great, here come the bloody waterworks. Well, I’m not having it. I’m not going to be manipulated like this. She can put a hide on or go bloody cold for all I care. I’m not bloody discovering fire tonight.”

It is understood that Dad discovered fire later that night.

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