Wednesday 2 December 2020

I don’t trust that vaccine, insists man whose last line of blow was cut with cattle dewormer

man won't take vaccine but snorts blow

A man has today insisted he does not trust the new Covid vaccine, as he does not know precisely what went into it, or how it was tested, despite a recreational drug habit that regularly sees him snorting laundry detergent.

As news continued to emerge over plans to roll out the first of the Covid vaccines licenced for use in the UK, anti-vax conspiracy theorists have wasted no time in telling everyone they won’t go near them.

Simon Williams, 35, who has swallowed so many pills over the years that he rattles when dancing, insisted there was no way he could trust a drug company to produce a safe vaccine, even when it goes through rigorous drug testing with the country’s medicines regulator – preferring only to use drugs provided by Dodgy Pete in the pub.

Williams told us, “How can I trust a vaccine that was funded by billionaires and the profit-making big-pharma industry? Those people can NOT be trusted.

“Yes, my use of recreational drugs is very different. I mean, yes, Pete obviously wants to make a few quid selling blow in the pub, but he swears his stuff is pure, and I have no doubt it was created with nothing more in mind than ensuring the end customer has the best possible time with absolutely zero risk to their well-being.”

Dodgy Pete told us, “Yes, I cut it with cattle dewormer, it means I can make a bigger profit margin, so why not? They barely notice the difference, and hardly anyone dies.

“Am I getting vaccinated? Yeah, of course. I’m not an idiot.”

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