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Topshop, Burton and Dorothy Perkins might be alright if Sir Philip Green checked under his arse.
The three high street brands are in trouble to the tune of £30million, which is a BIT weird as the bloke who owns them is worth £1.2billion.
“I’ve asked if Sir Philip Green would mind looking down the back of the sofa,” confirmed administrator, Simon Williams.
“Relative to what the rest of us let slip down there, I reckon he’s probably got at least a couple of million in there that would help.
“…oh right, he’s just emailed. He’s confirmed that he COULD do that, but he’s choosing not to.
“I suppose that’s fair. I suppose getting off his arse for five minutes to save the jobs of 13,000 people just before Christmas was a bit much to ask.
“The other idea I had was for him to sell a third of one of his yachts, but if he’s not even going to check the sofa then I suspect that might not be a goer.
“I’m starting to believe this billionaire might be greedy or something.”
