Tuesday 1 December 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Arcadia could survive if Sir Philip Green bothered to check down the back of his sofa


Philip Green finds millions down back of sofa

Topshop, Burton and Dorothy Perkins might be alright if Sir Philip Green checked under his arse.

The three high street brands are in trouble to the tune of £30million, which is a BIT weird as the bloke who owns them is worth £1.2billion.

“I’ve asked if Sir Philip Green would mind looking down the back of the sofa,” confirmed administrator, Simon Williams.

“Relative to what the rest of us let slip down there, I reckon he’s probably got at least a couple of million in there that would help.

“…oh right, he’s just emailed. He’s confirmed that he COULD do that, but he’s choosing not to.

“I suppose that’s fair. I suppose getting off his arse for five minutes to save the jobs of 13,000 people just before Christmas was a bit much to ask.

“The other idea I had was for him to sell a third of one of his yachts, but if he’s not even going to check the sofa then I suspect that might not be a goer.

“I’m starting to believe this billionaire might be greedy or something.”

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