Witty patriot mocks Maradona’s death by recalling a war he played no part in for a place he knows nothing about

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A brilliant English sports fan deflated the pomposity of condolences, over the death of football legend Diego Maradona, by pointing out that people he has never met once won a military victory over some remote islands that he believes are somewhere near Greenland.

Taking a break from responding to his many admirers on social media, clever clogs and taxi driver Simon Williams explained that it was his profound knowledge of military history that equipped him to make such a hilarious, yet socially relevant, ‘joke’.

“Diego Dago thought he was getting one over us with the Hand of God and his life of wealth and adulation.

“But who’s laughing now that he’s dead and the British flag flies on top of the Falkland castle?

“He might have stolen the World Cup from us in 1986, but remember how we took revenge on him by sinking the Belgravia and shooting all those green geese? That’s what you get when you cheat the English lion!”

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Mr Williams said he frequently referred to sporting and military history when trying to make light of current events.

“I’m always making jokes about foreigners and how often they lose against us. Whether it’s defeat by an army I have never joined, or a sports team I’m not part of, I won’t let Johnny Foreigner forget his losses even when it’s horribly crass to do so.

“I can’t wait for some disaster to happen in Germany so I can taunt them with three events that happened before I was born.

“Because those victories make me a winner too!”