Thursday 26 November 2020 by Arabin Patson

Scientists give hope that incest-free porn is still out there


incest-free porn still available

Stroke material completely bereft of icky dysfunctional family relationships, that many believed had gone extinct in 2016, might have survived in some dark corners of the internet, according to the world’s foremost self-diddling experts.

Professor Amanda Tinnock, who leads the Smut Classification Research Group that made the discovery, said that there was no conclusive proof yet, but that many signs pointed to the survival of fuck-flicks where no one gets called daddy, mom, sister or brother.

“We had always heard rumours that if you somehow entered the right search terms in Pornhub, you could find some filth where the protagonists have no family ties whatsoever, even as step-siblings.

“We always dismissed this as wishful thinking but three days ago we got several reports of people rubbing one off to a girl-on-girl video involving a bored housewife and an unprofessional massage therapist who were not related in any way.

“When we investigated, the video had vanished but we found several discussion forums discussing the incident. We believe now that some people are still making boff vids without any pretend incest, but that they are naturally cautious and use fap and run tactics to survive.”

Simon Williams, founder of the Society for the Preservation of Proper Wanking was one of many self-abusers to welcome the news.

“We’ve campaigned for years to bring back honest wank material where no one wipes spunk off their face while promising not to tell Mom.

“Now we have hope for the return of some honest old fashioned porn involving a supple cheerleader rewarding a victorious basketball team or maybe a mature German woman spanking flabby men.

“If we allow ourselves to dream, we can even imagine a video where a plumber, a pizza delivery man and a saucy librarian all enjoy a lovely spitroast together.

“Just like the old days.”

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