Wednesday 25 November 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Priti Patel releases Christmas single: “Deck the halls and several interns”


Priti Patel Christmas single

Priti Patel is getting into the Christmas spirit.

The smug-faced ghoul is releasing her own Christmas single, presumably for charity.

“Erm…NO,” scoffed the beloved Home Secretary.

“Any money from this tune is going straight in my pocket. I am a Conservative, you know.

“I’m sure everybody will enjoy this ballsy new track, except maybe those wimpy boys down the corridor, but who cares about them? Not me, that’s why I routinely trip them over and then loot their unconscious bodies.

“Get ‘Deck the Halls and Several Interns’ to Christmas Number One, and nobody else gets hurt.”

Westminster intern, Simon Williams, said, “I’ve streamed the song three hundred times, just to make sure the Home Secretary leaves me alone.

“I hope it works but she does enjoy giving me a good wedgie, so I doubt it.

“It is a catchy tune, even though the lyrics are objectively horrible and amount to bullying, but I’ve already been told that the Prime Minister doesn’t give the tiniest shit.”

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