Wednesday 25 November 2020 by Mark Molloy

Man who had solid excuse for not staying with in-laws over Christmas, now completely f**ked


Christmas ruined

A man who had a watertight excuse not to stay with his in-laws for two days over Christmas, is now completely fucked, it is revealed today.

Simon Williams, 44 from Bristol, heard the devastating news yesterday, in that restrictions will be lifted for five days over Christmas, just as he was busy planning his Christmas television schedule in the comfort of his own living room.

Speaking earlier today he revealed, “Gutted. Absolutely gutted. I thought I was home and dry this year.

“Every year we have to go there, for two full days, and it’s shite. I finally thought I had got out of it, for one glorious year, until these pricks go and spoil it and say that we can all mix.

“It was just perfect. We were going to say we couldn’t leave the house and were just following the rules because we are good people, all before sneaking off to my sisters for Christmas dinner, obviously, and maybe around to my mate’s house on Boxing day for a quick drink before spending the rest of Christmas watching films and drinking.

“Now we have to spend four hours driving across the frigging country to spend another two days listening to her dad drone on about Brexit all night, whilst playing shite board games and not getting drunk.

“They can’t get anything right this pissing government. The one thing that they could have given us, out of all this horrible Covid shite, was a nice peaceful Christmas in front of the telly on our own eating cheese.

“And they can’t even manage that.”

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