Wednesday 25 November 2020 by Davywavy

Donald Trump pardons Thanksgiving Turkey after it agrees to testify that the election was rigged


Trump pardons Turkey in return for giving evidence

After Donald Trump pardoned a Thanksgiving turkey yesterday, it has been revealed he only did so after the turkey agreed to testify it had been witness to ballot tampering in the recent presidential election.

Despite the pardoning of a White House turkey being a well-established tradition for all sitting presidents, Trump was keen to use his position for a little quid-pro-quo.

A White House source told us, “Trump was talking to the turkey in quite hushed tones, but it was clear he was trying to do a deal.

“In the end, he got the turkey to sign an affidavit that he happened to have right there in his pocket, and within a couple of minutes, the turkey was in a receipt of a Presidential pardon.

“Donald then went around telling everyone he had just what he needed to win the election, and insisted Rudy Guiliani find out how to swear in a turkey.”

The move has not surprised commentators in Washington, with Political correspondent Chuck Williams telling us, “That sounds about right.

“The President has been on the lookout for a new star witness for his fraud claim because so many of the other ones have fallen by the wayside – and frankly, this turkey is far more credible than Sidney Powell.”

Trump supporter Billy-Bob Johnson III told us, “Look, I realise it’s not exactly the kraken that we were promised, but I’m so invested in this now that I guess I’m going to have to insist the Supreme Court listens to this turkey.

“Oh dear god, what have I become?”

Enjoy the election result with a delicious mug of MAGA Tears!

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