A school bully has today extorted dinner money from five of her classmates, completely unintentionally, according to reports.
The schoolgirl, ten-year-old Priti Williams, arrived in her classroom at quarter to nine this morning and wasted no time in accidentally tormenting some of her fellow classmates.
“I don’t know what happened,” she later told the headteacher, Alexander de-Pfeffel Johnson.
“I just went up to that group of loser kids in my class and completely unintentionally twatted one right in the side of the head before going on to pick up some of the others and shaking out their dinner money.”
She explained, “It’s the weirdest thing – this has happened in every class I’ve been in throughout every school year. I’m starting to think that they’re deliberately putting me with these uncool kids.
“So in many ways, I’m the real victim here.”
The headteacher Mr Johnson is said to be conducting a thorough review into the matter, before impartially and objectively letting Priti completely off the hook and promoting her to head girl.