Sir Alex Ferguson has conceded his record for running the clock after Donald Trump hung on for two weeks and counting, according to reports.
Ferguson, who would use any trick he could to get more time to play whenever he was losing, told reporters that he thought his record at Manchester United would never be beaten – until Donald Trump managed the political equivalent of hanging on the touchline two-nil down and the clock showing 94:17.
Meanwhile, the crowd are doing the time-honoured response of staring at the referee in confusion and tapping their wrists in a mystified manner.
“To be fair to the big man, he did it the same way I did,” said Ferguson.
“By using a range of tactics such as shouting at the ref, shouting at the ref, and shouting at the ref.
“Plus claiming nonexistent fouls, spurious extra time for the ball going out of touch, and demanding opposition goals be disallowed.
“And then, on the off-chance one of your boys manages to knock one past the keeper, immediately demand the whistle goes and scream until you’re blue in the face until it does.”