Thursday 19 November 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Coronavirus agrees to Christmas truce


Boris agreed Christmas truce with coronavirus

The coronavirus has reportedly agreed to comply with the Government’s plans to lift Covid restrictions over Christmas and has promised not to infect anyone between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day.

It is understood that the Government had been planning to announce the temporary break in Covid restrictions in a desperate bid to claw back some popularity and receive a couple of days of complimentary headlines, but it was unsure if the Coronavirus would agree to abide by the break.

The fact that it won’t be possible to catch Coronavirus over Christmas will come as welcome relief to everyone.

“Fantastic effort by Boris, to manage to negotiate a truce with the virus,” said Simon Williams, a credulous simpleton who was already planning a huge Christmas party.

“I’d have been very nervous about Covid restrictions being lifted with no scientific basis just because everyone’s a bit sentimental about Christmas.

“But now we know that Coronavirus is on board with the plans and won’t be infecting anyone, then we can definitely have a nice normal Christmas without fear of anyone getting sick.”

The Coronavirus truce will begin at midnight on 23rd December.

Rumours that Coronavirus and humans will have a big Christmas Eve game of football in no-man’s land are, as yet, unconfirmed.

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt and mask here!

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