Labour delighted that their connection with antisemitism has moved massive Tory corruption off the front page

author avatar by 3 years ago

The geniuses within the Labour Party have once again enacted a masterstroke of political communication by making sure everyone forgets about Zimbabwean levels of graft involving PPE contracts with the government and instead discusses how much lefties hate Jews.

Simon “Che” Williams, a former Momentum leader and NEC member, said it was high time that the Blairite faction within the party remembered what the movement was all about, namely vicious infighting over trumped-up issues.

“We demand comrade Jeremy be given the Labour whip and that red Tories like Keir stop focusing on highlighting how inept the Johnson government is and instead return to our cherished tradition of nasty debates around obscure policy points that the tabloids can then portray as the Nuremberg Rally reboot.

“We also want Jeremy to have his achievements recognised as the first leader to get a chant at Glasto and that everyone forget that he lost against a racist talking toilet-brush that hid in fridges.

“We want Keir to use PMQs to read overlong maudling letters from single mothers in Daventry and to stop using his skills as a QC to make Boris look like posh school bully that’s just been caught wanking into his mother’s knickers.”

Mr Williams said that the NEC’s move proved that the militant faction would always be a key player in Labour.

“Whenever the whole country is zeroed in on number 10 for the COVID death toll, billions of taxpayer money given to chums and mistresses, or insults alienating Scotland, we stand ready to make everyone associate Labour with the hatred of Jewish people.

“That’s how we win the long game.”