Monday 16 November 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris Johnson self-isolating to protect other people from Boris Johnson


Boris Johnson self-isolating

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been ordered to self-isolate in order to protect other people from Boris Johnson.

The order came after scientist realised just how dangerous exposure to Boris Johnson has been for the British public.

“After examining the data, it seems clear that there is a link between the deaths of over 50,000 people and Boris Johnson,” explained leading scientist Simon Williams.

“Now, we can’t be sure exactly how many of those people died as a direct result of Boris Johnson, but it does seem clear that if Boris Johnson had placed himself in self-isolation at the start of March, there would have been far fewer deaths.”

However, the Prime Minister’s self-isolation could prove to be a boon not just for clinical reasons.

“Well, no. This has been a long, difficult year for the people of this country,” continued Doctor Williams.

“They desperately need something to cheer them up and bolster morale and we are confident that not having to see or hear Boris Johnson will prove a real tonic for everyone.”

A spokesperson for Number 10 issued a statement on the situation.

“The Prime Minister is now self-isolating,” she said.

“He will continue to self-isolate until he is no longer a danger to the public. Which we believe should be either after he stops being Prime Minister or dies.”

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