Boris Johnson is self-isolating today, after finding out from NHS Test and Trace that he came into contact with someone with Coronavirus some time in mid to late August.
The Prime Minister reportedly received an urgent message last night from the ‘world-beating’ Serco-operated ‘NHS Test and Trace’ app, telling him to self-isolate, upon which he immediately leapt into the nearest fridge.
“Now, who could that have been, I wonder,” he was heard to mutter to himself from deep inside the fridge, through a mouthful of a Ginsters pasty he had evidently stumbled across.
“It was in August, hmm. Could have been that waitress, or the flight attendant, or maybe the violinist, I must have been having a bit of rumpy-pumpy with her around that time.”
Addressing reporters outside Downing Street this morning, Health Secretary Matt Hancock said, “This is a perfect example of how marvellous, efficient and effective the Serco Test and Trace system is.
“I mean, NHS Test and Trace.”
Continuing to maintain his now permanent ‘rabbit in the headlights’ expression he went on, “By finding out so promptly that as recently as three months ago he had been in contact with a person with Coronavirus, he has been able to take swift action to ensure he doesn’t give it to anyone else.
“This Test and Trace system is worth every penny. I might even give Dido Harding a pay-rise; she’s earned it, that’s for sure.”
According to Downing Street insiders, the Prime Minister is not expected to emerge from the fridge until summer 2021, just to be on the safe side.