Thursday 5 November 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Creepy old man confirmed as election winner


Trump Biden declared winner

A creepy old man will be the winner of the 2020 presidential election.

It was thought to be as yet unclear as to who had won the American presidential election, but it has now been confirmed that the winner will be a creepy old man with numerous accusations of inappropriate behaviour.

“I can’t believe that doddery old bastard won,” said American voter, Simon Williams.

“I mean he can barely string a coherent sentence together. It really is unbelievable that he is the guy we’ve picked to be the leader of the free world.

“We really need to take a good look at ourselves as a nation and decide if a creepy old man is really the best we can do as a leader. It’s not good enough.”

Another voter, Hayley Rice, said “Well, alright, maybe he’s a BIT creepy but at least he’s not that other guy. Imagine if HE had won. Disaster!

“The point is, the best candidate won – by which I mean MY candidate, obviously.”

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