Thursday 5 November 2020 by Davywavy

Confused Republicans attack Count Von Count after latest Trump tweet


The Count, Trump Tweet

Count Von Count, the well-known number obsessed vampire from Sesame Street, is under attack this evening after supporters of President Trump misinterpreted their leader’s wishes.

Count, who is often to be found tabulating the number of steps he takes, or pieces of fruit, awoke this evening to discover angry republicans surrounding his crypt and telling him to shut up after the President tweeted ‘STOP THE COUNT!”

“I sit up in my coffin and see number of people so I start. Von angry man, two angry men, Thvee angry men, you know”, count told us.

”Und then a man vith a rifle tell me to stop and asks my immigration status.”

”So I said I’d been in America for one year, two years, three years, and that’s when he hit me.”

Trump and many of his supporters are well known for disliking accurate numbers, so when the Presidents supporters started chanting STOP THE COUNT, the Transylvanian Tabulator was an obvious target.

“Fortunately as a wampyr I am immune to bullets“, the count told us. “And it takes many blows of a hammer to drive a stake into my heart.”

”Vun hammer blow. Two hammer blows. Three hamme- argh!”

When asked, a spokesman for Sesame Street said: “Oh God, they’re here”.

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