Wednesday 4 November 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“Counting every vote is an affront to democracy” insists moribund twat


Trump on way out

Donald Trump is going out at the height of his dipshittery.

The President’s latest attempt to stumble back into the White House is to insist that counting every vote in an election is a) undemocratic and b) fraudulent.

Both a) and b) have been variously dismissed as “alarmist”, “misleading” and “absolute horseshit of the highest order”.

“You shouldn’t keep counting, folks,” insisted Donald Trump.

“Trust me, I tried counting to a hundred once and I nearly died.

“It’s not democratic, this election. It just isn’t. Ask anybody, they’ll tell you” concluded the Cheeto.

“Well, I’m ‘anybody’ and I won’t tell you that,” said electoral commission spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“I don’t want to be rude – actually let me rephrase that: it would not be PROFESSIONAL of me to be rude… but the President of the United States is lying to the entire country in a bid to remain in the White House.

“That’s should probably be a little concerning.”

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