by 
A chancer who does not know what they are talking about, ignores science and is only in their current career to get as much out of it for themselves as they can, has announced a new national lockdown, causing several mediums to also look a bit daft.
One fortune teller in Wokingham has today expressed her anger at having to cancel all her appointments from Thursday onwards due to unforeseen circumstances.
After unsuccessfully trying to contact her clients telepathically this morning, the ‘professional’ ‘medium’ who goes by the name Miss Simone, had to phone them all this morning to tell them the bad news that their readings would have to wait until the country was back up and running again.
“Twice this year now, this has happened!” she fumed.
“Once was bad enough, but this REALLY doesn’t reflect well on me. How am I supposed to ring everyone booked in from Thursday onwards and say ‘oh sorry about that, didn’t see that one coming’, eh?”
She explained, “You see, I really DO have psychic abilities, but sadly they don’t cover the foresight of national lockdowns, as I didn’t pay for that part of the online course, regrettably.
“Still, I can’t complain. With Boris in charge, the death toll can only rise, so I’ll be able to exploit – ahem- I mean help, thousands of new customers as they seek comfort in my extraordinary abilities.”
She added, “But no refunds, and I’ll have payment at the point of booking, please.”
Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!
