Monday 2 November 2020 by Davywavy

Another Russian Oligarch with links to Vladimir Putin found murdered


Meerkat found dead

A Russian Oligarch with substantial holdings in the global insurance and utilities market has been found dead in mysterious circumstances today.

Aleksandr Orlov, who fled to Britain in 2009 after failing to secure the Kremlin a reduction on its gas bill, is understood to have been shot with a crossbow bolt covered with ‘substantial’ amounts of the Novichok nerve agent – possibly fired by his robotic assistant Sergei.

Police are keen to interview Sergei, who they describe as a ‘puppet’.

“The Kremlin is sending a clear message here that there is no safe place for anyone who cannot get Vladimir Putin an improved no-claims bonus or a stuffed toy,” said international affairs specialist Simon Williams.

“Orlov had presented himself as a cuddly benefactor to Britain, but serious questions remain about the source of his immense wealth and what leverage he held over major cinema chains to be able to offer free tickets, and we will be investigating those for motivations.”

The death is just the latest killing of figures deemed embarrassing to the Russian regime, following that of boxer Ivan Drago – who it is understood Putin blamed for the collapse of the Soviet Union after losing to Rocky Balboa – and unmasked spy Boris Badenov who defected in 1992 and had been living in Salisbury.

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