Lockdown speculation reaches fever pitch as Dominic Cummings spotted filling car with petrol

author avatar by 4 years ago

Dominic Cummings has been spotted fuelling up his stupid car, and fuelling lockdown speculation in the process (oh VERY good, can’t believe Have I Got News For You didn’t return your calls with gold like that -ed)

The special adviser to the Prime Minister and slimy twat to everyone else caused uproar during the last lockdown when he took his covid-riddled family on an adventure drive across the country, culminating in a lovely day out at Barnard Castle.

“BASTARD Castle, more like,” commented Simon Williams, before looking around to see if anyone laughed.

“Anyway, I saw him. He’s the less-likeable Tony Robinson, yeah? Yeah, that’s the one. He was fuelling up at Heston services and he also bought not one but TWO backs of Haribo Starmix.

“One bag is a fine treat of an afternoon, but TWO? That’s long-trip planning right there.

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“And he looked dead shifty – though I understand that might just be the way his face is.”

A spokesperson for Dominic Cummings said, “Dominic was just testing his ability to fuel a car.

“Every trip Dominic takes is a test of some kind, to make him a more efficient human being. There’s no wasted movement with him.

“He’s quite brilliant, especially for a lizard.

“Anyway, you don’t need to be one of his super-forecasters to realise what the sight of Dominic Cummings filling the car will lead to.

“But remember, whatever happens next, you really don’t need that much toilet roll.”

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