Joe Biden denies links to Dick Dastardly

author avatar by 2 years ago

Presidential front-runner Joe Biden has today denied knowing well-known scoundrel and bad egg Dick Dastardly, after emails were leaked appearing to link the two. 

Dastardly, described as a double-dealing do-badder, is on record as being willing to nab, jab, stab and grab to achieve his objectives, and is widely regarded as being a pariah in political circles for his extremist views and in 2007 he was named as a war crimes suspect for activities during his time with the notorious Vulture Squadron.

Emails released appear to show the two men discussing using a huge box labelled “TNT” to knock the Ant Hill Mob out of the Indianapolis 500 – an allegation the Biden campaign has described as a ‘smear’.

“Joe may have communicated with Dastardly, but as a politician, he communicates with a lot of people and doesn’t always know who they are,” we were told.

“How was he to know that a cackling, moustache-twirling man might not be one hundred per cent nice? These accusations are completely unreasonable.

“This in no way should be taken as condoning Dastardly’s position on using two giant slabs of concrete to kill Yankee Doodle Pigeon, and instead Biden spent time attempting to persuade the Wacky Racers to share the trophy on a fair basis rather than squabbling over it.

“Anyway, Joe would be much happier in the Arkansas Chuggabug with Blubber Bear – or Chris Christie as he’s better known these days.”

Critics have rejected the denial, suggesting that Biden’s failure to question whether the driver of a bright purple heavily-armed rocket car was an appropriate contact for someone seeking high office calls his judgement into question.

Dastardly was described as a petty and spiteful demagogue who uses overly florid language and is happy to use people to achieve his aims, and it’s only one step from him to associating with Russell Brand.