BBC staff now required to make tedious homophobic jokes and have fights in pub car parks

author avatar by 4 years ago

As part of a new raft of controversial measures initiated by BBC Director General Tim Davie, staff at the broadcaster are now banned from attending Pride, required to use homophobic slurs daily and violently assault anyone that questions their sexuality.

Former Wetherspoons landlord and the BBC’s new HR director, Simon Williams, told the staff that the new requirements were intended to make the corporation more in touch with the public at large, and anyone who has a problem with that is free to have a pop if they fancy themselves.

He continued, ”Liberal elites and the LGBTQ mafia need to stop ramming down our throats their existence as humans who wish to love and be loved without fear.

“From now you may not attend Pride to celebrate the long battle for acceptance of your deepest nature.

“You may, however, go there on assignment, but in that case you should make several obnoxious references to keeping your bums to the wall. We have also instituted a policy that any mention of an alternative gender or sexual identity be instantly met with tired jokes that even Jim Davidson thinks are naff.”

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Mr Williams denied that the new rules were part of a wider ‘culture war’ pushed by senior tories to deflect from their utter lack of coherent vision for the country.

He went on, “We are a nation of morals and the BBC will reflect the attitudes of licence fee payers.

“From now on, any gay men on payroll will be asked to express their sexuality in the traditional way and hurriedly shag closeted married men in a dank public toilet.

“It’s the God-fearing thing to do.”