Tuesday 27 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“Parents will use meal vouchers to buy drugs” insist people who believe drug dealers accept vouchers


drug dealers accepting meal vouchers

Drug dealers do not accept “vouchers” as payment, it has been revealed this morning.

In the latest addition to The Big Book of Bullshit Narratives to Make You Hate the Poor, some people have been insisting that free school meal vouchers given to parents will be whipped straight onto the local drug dealer in return for some smack.

“They’ll definitely use any food vouchers we give them for the smack!” confirmed local fuckwit, Hayley Rice.

“That’s why we must not help them. They’ll give the non-resalable voucher to a drug dealer, and the drug dealer will then happily hand over a big bag of smack.

“What? No, I’ve never bought any drugs. How did you know?”

Meanwhile, those who have been told that they secretly crave free school meal vouchers have been quick to reject the notion.

“Haha, no, we don’t accept vouchers,” chuckled drug dealer, Simon Williams.

“I’m not sure how familiar these people really are with the transactional relationship between drug dealer and customer, but it’s very much a cash-in-hand scenario.  What am I going to do with a single £15 voucher for food shopping? No, give me cash, or sod off.

“But don’t tell the taxman! Oh, and also don’t mention in your article that I’m a drug dealer. I reckon they probably frown on that too.

“Also, please don’t ever arrange to meet up with a drug dealer and then attempt to buy drugs and use a meal voucher as a ‘cash equivalent’. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but rest assured it’s a really bad idea.”

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