Monday 26 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Thames Water issues moon with overdue water bill


Thames Water moon water bill

Thames Water has wasted absolutely no time in calculating the moon’s water bill.

The firm was left popping champagne corks after NASA announced that there are significant amounts of water available on the moon and that due to there being no water meters installed on the lunar surface, the firm is free to use an ‘estimate’ for usage on the Earth’s only natural satellite.

“It’s just brilliant!” said Simon Williams, a 32-year-old Thames Water billing prick.

“After usage and drainage fees, which we can definitely work out from those photos NASA released, I reckon they owe us a good few grand.

“Don’t ask us how we came to that conclusion; it’s too much for your mortal mind to comprehend the complexities of the modern water bill.”

Thames Water’s CEO, Sarah Bently, said, “One or two people have argued that the moon might be a little outside our catchment area.

“And it’s that lack of creative thinking that explains why those people are not currently the CEO at Thames Water, and I am.

“We will be sending the moon a bill just as soon as we’ve determined their postcode, which we’re sure will be the next tidbit revealed by NASA.

“We’re not sure how we’re going to pursue them if they don’t pay up, but then that’s what we pay our lawyers for; well, that and scaring the life out of pensioners.

“Hooray for space!”

My species went to the moon, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt – get yours HERE!

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