Monday 26 October 2020 by Mark Molloy

Government set to ban Halloween trick or treating, just in case any hungry kids get fed


Boris bans trick or treat

The government is set to ban trick or treating this Halloween it has been revealed, just in case any desperate hungry children are inadvertently fed.

With government ministers standing firm on their decision not to help hungry disadvantaged children eat meals in the school holidays, any hopes of a possible loophole to provide some much-needed food, albeit in the form of sweets, has been immediately squashed by Number 10.

A spokesperson for the government revealed “We have made our position very clear in terms of giving food – of any kind – to poor and hungry children.

“We just don’t care. We really don’t. It’s actually getting quite annoying how much you all seem to care about it. Can’t we move onto something else already?

“Look, we don’t want these hungry kids to get fed, and that includes sweets. We don’t care about them and we certainly don’t want to encourage anyone else to be feeding them either, as that just makes us look even worse than we already do.

“That’s why we will be banning trick or treating this year, across the UK, to ensure that there is no chance any of these children actually getting any food, sweets or anything – even by accident.”

Asked if children could perhaps still dress up if they promise not to try and get any food, we were told, “Yes. As long as they don’t try to trick people into giving them foodstuffs, then that’s fine. We are standing very firm on that matter.”

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