Monday 19 October 2020 by Pete Redfern

Watch out for blonde politicians with high sex drives in your cyber career, Jennifer Arcuri warns Fatima

Jennifer Arcuri warning to Fatima

Jennifer Arcuri has issued a warning to any female dancers who are preparing to retrain in cyber, especially those who don’t know it yet.

After confirming in an interview over the weekend that she did have an affair with Boris Johnson – news that came as a shock to precisely nobody – tech expert Jennifer Arcuri issued the wise words of warning this morning.

On her blog she wrote, “Fatima, if you’re out there and can take time out from selling your ballet gear on eBay and enrolling on your cyber-security degree course to read this – please, please heed my advice.

“Stay far away from all politicians with high sex drives and low levels of commitment, no matter how much of the taxpayer’s money they promise you in return for sleeping with them.

“They’ll come round at lunchtime, hunch over you for forty-three seconds, exclaim something in Latin when they orgasm and then stroll off back to their wives and other mistresses, never to return your calls.”

She added, “And don’t install pole-dancing equipment in your lounge. I think that’s where I may have gone wrong – apparently sliding around on that when he was round for a bit of late-night tech support may have sent the wrong message, or something.”

Fatima was unavailable for comment, though reporters insist they could hear the sound of wrenching from the bathroom of her apartment.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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