Monday 19 October 2020 by Arabin Patson

Mutilated voters in the North starting to wonder if voting for Leopards Eating Northerners Party was a good move


leopards eating northerner party

Announcement: This article makes a joke that is FAR too similar to one made by the very funny Cavalorn on Twitter in 2015, and shouldn’t have really made it to our page. The similarity should have been spotted in the edit, but we made a mistake, we’re sorry, and you should follow Cavalorn on Twitter (if you haven’t already).

As the ruling LEN Party imposes harsh leopard attacks on the North that have so far not been applied to the Home Counties, many of the so-called ‘Leopard Wall’ converts have admitted that they might have made a mistake voting for a party that has openly detested them for decades.

A recent IPSOS survey of people in the new Northern LEN constituencies showed a growing anger towards the party they voted for and as well as surprise that the party that has always believed in feeding northerners to leopards would now do so again.

However, many of these new voters were still reluctant to admit they had made a mistake last election.

Grimsby resident Simon Williams, who just lost a leg to a leopard, said that he could not understand why the party, whose leadership has a history of seeing northern people as sub-humans only fit to be prey to apex predators, did not do more to help people in his area.

He told us, “I stand by my vote, but I do think that they should never have released those leopards again just like they did every single time they got elected.

“My family has always voted for the Stop Leopards Party but I didn’t like their leader with his silly ideas of giving everyone free leopards traps like we’re in Venezuela or something.

“Also I voted Brexit and Boris came up here and drove a forklift truck through some boxes. He’s such a character!”

“Anyway, we’d better stop it there and get indoors. It’s getting dark and that’s when they release the leopards.

“How was I supposed to know?”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the t-shirt here!

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