Monday 19 October 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Jacinda Adern celebrates completing first stage of plan for brutal world domination


Jacinda Adern

New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Adern has spent the night celebrating the completion of the first stage of her plan to conquer the world and subjugate the human race as her slaves.

By consolidating her power in New Zealand with another election win thanks to her unrelenting competence, she has raised her profile to be considered one of the preeminent world leaders which will allow her a platform from which to launch an audacious land grab to bring Australia under her rule.

As the world has largely ignored Australia since Crocodile Dundee was released in 1986, she considers it likely that no one will really notice it becoming part of New Zealand.

From a strong position in the both the Indian and Pacific Oceans, Adern will start to bring all of the southern hemisphere under her control with a combination of charm and competence that the Indians, Chinese and South Americans will find hard to resist.

With the US and Great Britain currently so beleaguered, it is thought likely that their population will welcome Adern as their new leader or, indeed, literally anyone who isn’t their current leader, and from that point, she will be so strong that any resistance to her rule from Europe and Russia is likely to be utterly futile.

Once the uncontested lifelong leader of the planet, she will drop the façade of decency and brutally suppress the population of the world as she sits, cackling, atop her throne made from the bones of her enemies.

It is understood she celebrated completing the first stage of this plan with a small glass of sparkling wine and some Chinese takeout with her family.

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