Crazy uncles worldwide distance themselves from Donald Trump

author avatar by 2 years ago

After Savannah Guthrie tried to explain to Donald Trump that the US president should not behave like someone’s crazy uncle, hordes of unstable middle-aged men have responded with furious denials that they have anything to do with him.

Simon Williams, a doomsday prepper from Montana who is blocked on Facebook by 13 out of his 15 relatives, was furious at what he saw as a Media/Zionist/Liberal/Reptilian attempt to smear paranoid attention-seekers by linking them to Donald Trump.

“It’s a low blow. All I do is try to wake my contacts up to the shadowy international conspiracy hell-bent on enslaving sovereign citizens and making us all into woke vegan Muslims so that George Soros can rule as a Zionist commissar who hates Israel.

“But now, people think I have something to do with that verbally incontinent man-child who is so astoundingly dumb, he instantly debunks the idea of power being the sole preserve machiavellian master manipulators.

“After all, only in a pure democracy could someone with so little skill in anything be elected because morons recognise him from a reality show. You don’t need secretive cabals of corporate players and intelligence operatives to do that.”

Mr Williams’ anger garnered some support among his long-suffering relatives such as his niece Amanda.

“Uncle Billy is an embarrassment and, yes, we still haven’t forgiven him for what he said when Richard came out to the family last year, but it’s really unfair to liken him to Trump.

“Mum said Billy was a nice man until his wife left him and he started storing his own piss. But no one can remember a time when Trump wasn’t a malignant arsehole.”