Northern Powerhouse switched off to conserve the South

author avatar by 4 years ago

The famed ‘Northern Powerhouse’ that the Tories wanted to build has been switched off to conserve the South.

The Northern Powerhouse will be powered down this evening and restarted once all viruses have been eradicated.

Northern business owner, Simon Williams, said, “With Covid-19 running riot oop North, the Conservatives have taken advice from their IT department to ‘switch it off’, closing all of it down to stifle any infections coming down South to ruin what they truly believe is the powerhouse of the country: London.

“We’ve all thought any talk of a ‘Northern Powerhouse’ has always been bollocks anyway, with the world’s most expensive Tube Train due to go from London to Birmingham about to bankrupt the country before it even gets to Manchester, Leeds or Edinburgh.

“However, this crisis has proved exactly what the North means to the Tories: just their votes and nothing else, as they have no qualms shutting it down as they don’t think poor Northerners are as important as them or their landlord mates.

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“They don’t actually distinguish between rich northerners and poor northerners, as none of them are rich enough to be considered tax avoiders, so they don’t actually count as ‘properly’ rich anyway.”