Saturday 10 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Spreadsheet and a broken app ‘well worth £12bn’ insist people who said £6bn to abolish tuition fees was bonkers


Boris £12bn track and trace

£12billion for what amounts to a broken track and trace system is terrific value, according to people who warned against using half that figure to abolish tuition fees.

The enormous investment of public funds was expected to return a world-standard track-and-trace program with a state-of-the-art mobile app to help keep Britain safer.

”What we’ve actually got is a spreadsheet in a format not even Mr Bean would use, and an app that looks nice but actually does sod all,” confirmed conservative spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“It’s been £12billion well spent, I’m sure you’ll agree. Certainly more useful to everybody than abolishing £6bn worth of student debt. That would have just been silly.

“No, what people want is large sums of money spent on broken reporting tools designed by people who don’t really know what they’re doing. That’s what value really is.”

Citizen, Hayley Rice, said, “If they wanted a bad spreadsheet and an app that doesn’t work, I could have done that for them for a tenner and a bag of chips.”

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