Friday 9 October 2020 by Chris Ballard

Winterfell fury as Kings Landing brothels remain open


Boris Lannister

The Lords of the North are up in arms about having to close ‘hospitality’ venues while their counterparts in the South are free to rut with sex workers until their genitals disintegrate from some terrible disease.

An outbreak of White Walkers is getting out of control in the North, according to Kings Landing.

“It’s their own fault for not following the rules,” said Boris Lannister.

“They know they shouldn’t venture beyond the wall and yet they insist on doing so. A local lockdown is the only option.

“The best way to curb the spread of White Walkers is obviously to stop people mixing. We are therefore mandating the closure of people’s primary source of entertainment – brothels.

“It’s just not healthy to have loads of chaps spilling out onto the streets after they’ve been spilling their chaps out onto the sheets.

“It’s much safer here down south as Matt ‘Littlefinger’ Hancock ensures all his staff and clients are supplied with the very best personal protective equipment – the finest cling film from Dorne and top of the range rubber bands from Braavos.”

Mayor of Winterfell Andy Stark said, “Boris is once again treating the North with contempt. The sex industry is a fundamental pillar of our economy.

“If our good men-folk can’t use the proceeds from an honest day’s work to get their ends away then we’ll go to war, you mark my words!”

Author George R.R. Martin said, “Don’t worry, there won’t be war – I just haven’t got the time to write it.”

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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