With pubs all over the country shutting their doors a man has kept the spirit of the pub crawl alive by systematically drinking in each room of his house.
Simon Williams will not let a small detail like not being able to enter pubs stop him from having a pub crawl.
“Last night was mental,” he said, rubbing Solpadeine into his gums.
“It started off all civilised with a can of Stella in the living room. My wife was watching Corrie so it wasn’t exactly my preferred sports bar atmosphere – I decided to move into the kitchen for tinny number two.
“That turned out to be a great move because the venue had a great selection of crisps – although I’d probably knock a star off my TripAdvisor rating because the urinal was a bit high.
“As I’d started a crawl I thought I might as well carry on by having the next drink upstairs in the baby’s room. By unfortunate coincidence, our daughter woke up halfway through my brilliant rendition of Oasis’ entire Morning Glory album – Champagne Supernova got her back off though. Tune!
“Next up was the bathroom where I decided to do shots. Several capfuls of Listerine later I wasn’t feeling too good – but it didn’t matter because the toilet was right there!
“I simply bent over and made room for more! My wife wasn’t best pleased as she was having a wee at the time.
“No matter – I could instantly make amends because next up was the master bedroom and I was now in the mood for love.
“But then my wife reminded me I hadn’t yet had a drink in the shed – what would I do without her?
“Weirdly, when I tried to get back in the house the door was locked. So I just slept under the stars. Well, under the trampoline.
“Fortunately I was woken up at half eight when a fox tried to eat my face, otherwise I’d have been late for work!
“Now then, which room did I leave my coat in?”