Wednesday 7 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“You bet I’m a super-spreader. Not only super, I’m the BEST spreader” beams proud Trump

Donald Trump a super-spreader

Donald Trump is the best spreader there is, according to himself this afternoon.

After it emerged that Trump had shared helicopter and car rides with several secret service agents as well as socialising with other White House staff members following his positive test for Covid-19, the question had been asked as to whether or not the President was a “super-spreader”.

“You bet I am!” beamed Trump.

“Listen, there’s no better spreader than me. Ask people, they’ll tell you. If there’s a spreader around here who deserves to be called ‘super’ then that’s me, folks. Trust me.

“It’s been an amazing week, it really has. Not only was my test positive- positive is always a good thing- but I’m also a super-spreader. Has any other president achieved both those things in the space of a week? I don’t think so.”

White House aide, Simon Williams, said, “Yes, I know.

“We’ve tried telling him what it actually means but he won’t listen. He just hears the word ‘super’ and starts humming the Superman theme so loudly that he can’t hear anything else.

“I’d wash your hands on the way out, by the way. He’s touched EVERYTHING, and not just the female staff.”

Always vote for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the T-shirt!

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