Wednesday 7 October 2020 by Arabin Patson

Those that forget history are doomed to tediously whinge about Black History Month, study finds

Man not happy about black history month

A pioneering study into the social attitudes of people who think learning about history means watching reruns of Sharpe on ITV 4 has revealed that there is a direct correlation between ignorance of the past and the strength of misplaced anger at Black History Month.

The 12-month research project by the University of Croydon was based on a survey of 2,000 people who were ranked from a 1 (can decipher a dead language/read Hobsbawm without yawning) to 10 (believes Lord of the Rings is a documentary/likes Laurence Fox).

Without exception, anyone with a score of 8 or higher was vehemently opposed to an event they actually knew nothing about.

As confirmed by Simon Williams, an opinionated fuckwit from Kettering who believes he’s a scholar because he frequently asks people what to name their favourite WW2 tank.

He explained, “Learning about the international slave trade that spawned the modern banking system, set the UK up as one of wealthiest nations on earth, changed global demographics forever and created prejudices that live on to this day is just ‘PC woke-washing’.

“Proper history is studying how some dopey Saxon lord once burnt some cakes or memorising a list of wives of a fat ginger twat.”

Mr Williams, who has not set foot in a museum since a school trip to London in 1991, was furious that several institutions were creating special displays for Black History Month.

He went on, “I don’t want to know about local black historical figures who shaped the place where I live. A proper museum should only display some dinosaur bones, a marble statue with a small cock and some arrowheads in a glass case.

“Oh, and they should sell those oversized pencils. They’re hilarious!”

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