Actor spends twenty minutes retraining to do whatever it is that Chris Grayling does

author avatar by 2 years ago

On the advice of Chancellor Rishi Sunak, actor Simon Williams has spent approximately twenty minutes retraining to do whatever it is that earns Chris Grayling a regular salary.

Sunak told reporters than many people in the creative industries would likely need to consider alternatives ways of making a living, given the government can not continue to subsidise all industries, indefinitely – something Williams took very much to heart.

He told us, “I get it; Sunak wants us to retrain to add value to the economy, like so many of his parliamentary colleagues.  My twenty years in various TV, commercial, and theatre productions aren’t seen as very valuable by the government right now.

“So he will no doubt be delighted to know that I spent the time it took for my lunchtime pizza to cook in the oven to gain all the necessary skills required to do whatever it is that Chris Grayling currently does.

“You can test me if you like? There is nothing you can ask me that I can’t answer just as poorly as Chris Grayling would.

“There is no assignment or project you could assign me that I could not run with all the incompetence that Grayling himself would bring.  Shipping contracts to companies with no ships? Easy, I can do that. Could I lose an election rigged in my favour? Absolutely!

“I can do all of that, and do it while maintaining Grayling’s sorrowful look of a chastised child while doing it.

“I’ve done precisely as the Chancellor asked. Now, where’s my £100k salary and benefits?”