Tuesday 6 October 2020

You have nothing to fear from Covid except an eye-wateringly large medical bill to get treatment like mine, insists Donald Trump

Trump says nothing to fear from covid except medical bills

Donald Trump has told the American public they have nothing to fear from COVID, except an astronomically large medical bill if they are to get the same level of treatment he was lucky enough to receive.

President Trump, who received a number of expensive drugs and a revolutionary antibody treatment given to less than a dozen patients in the country so far, said the average American should not fear a virus that can be easily defeated with just two or three hundred thousand dollars worth of medical care.

“There’s really nothing to it folks,” Trump told the public while struggling not to cough on the White House balcony.

“There is no reason to be afraid. I have shown that even though I am in a vulnerable category due to my age, sex and weight, I was able to pretty much recover entirely in just a few days thanks to the best medical treatment money can buy.

“Every American should go about his business as normal, safe in the knowledge that if they do catch COVID, they too can recover as I did, for nothing more than a middling six-figure sum which will need paying when they recover.”

Voters have expressed gratitude to Donald Trump for illustrating that COVID is nothing to worry about when the entire resources of the richest nation on the planet are behind the efforts to secure your well-being.

62-year-old Texan and semi-retired mechanic Chuck Williams told us, “Masks are stupid, and I’m glad Donald Trump has shown everyone that they’re stupid and unnecessary.

“I can rest easy now, safe in the knowledge that if I catch Covid, I will obviously be the eleventh or twelfth person to get the same experimental treatment that was received by Donald Trump.

“We’re all going to get it now, right?”

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