Tuesday 6 October 2020 by Pete Redfern

Dido Harding reluctantly begins drafting resignation letter in single cell on Excel spreadsheet


Dido Harding writes resignation into single cell on a spreadsheet

Following calls for her resignation, Dido Harding has today begun drafting her entire resignation letter in cell A1 of a new Excel spreadsheet.

The Tory peer, who is responsible for the Test and Trace system, was left with egg on her face and most likely blood on her hands after it was revealed that 16,000 cases had been missed due to the Track and Trace ‘database’ being in the form of a single Excel spreadsheet.

Political commentator Simon Williams explained, “After the mess she made at Talk Talk, we’re just surprised that it has taken her this long to monumentally cock things up.

“Using an Excel spreadsheet to record all the track and trace information for everyone in the country, instead of an actual database, makes about as much sense as having someone as useless as Matt Hancock as Health Secretary during a pandemic. Oh, wait.”

Conservative Party spokesperson Christopher James told us, “We will not be asking Baroness Harding to resign. After all, compared to the mistakes Dominic Cummings has made, we can hardly fire her whilst keeping him on, can we?

“However, if it is true that she is drafting her resignation, then we will reluctantly accept that. If it’s in a format we can read, obviously.

“And then, knowing us, we’ll probably give her a job in overseeing the nationwide distribution of vaccines when they become available or something.”

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