Cinemas to close as no more room on IMDB spreadsheet

author avatar by 2 years ago

Cinemas are shutting their doors all over the world – not because of COVID, but because no more films can be made due to a spreadsheet error.

The spreadsheet that runs the Internet Movie Database is full. Sadly, this means that no more films can be made.

“I tried to add a row for the new Bond film,” said IMDB Chief Administrator Simon Williams, “but I just got a message saying that Excel couldn’t complete the operation because the workbook was full.

“I emailed MGM to let them know and they pushed the release of ‘No Time To Die’ back to April. I don’t know what they think I’m going to have done by then – I’m not a bloody magician.

“I suppose I could start another spreadsheet but it would probably be too confusing to have more than one IMDB.

“No, I need to find a way to make a bit of room.

“Does anyone watch silent films these days? Surely I could delete a few without anybody noticing… Hardly seems to be in the spirit of the database though.

“Perhaps deleting Woody Allen movies would be a solution – he’s made loads of them and they’re already highlighted grey.

“Ooh, the Weinstein Company, of course! Snobby film critics will no doubt be up in arms about the removal of Scary Movie 4 but this could buy us nearly twenty more years of Hollywood cinema!

“Highlight…delete…there! Better phone Cineworld and tell them not to sack anyone!

“Right, time to update the Excel skills on my CV from ‘intermediate’ to ‘advanced’.”