Monday 5 October 2020 by Arabin Patson

Conference tensions as Tories suspect the idle bumbling chancer they chose as leader might be an idle bumbling chancer


Boris conference

Conservative party faithful have begun to turn on Boris Johnson after several MPs have claimed the COVID crisis has shown that the scatterbrained gaffe-prone dilettante they put in power has not miraculously transformed into a dignified statesman with razor-sharp focus.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one backbencher said that he was shocked at how ineptly Boris Johnson had handled the complex and multifaceted approaches needed to deal with a modern pandemic, particularly as he had shown no skill in that area before.

He went on, “I was an early Boris convert. I wanted to put a bull in a china shop and particularly one that would just throw latin around and grunt at those pesky journalists and civil servants. But now it turns out that misquoting Ovid and thrusting your arms is not the best way to get all government departments to respond in an integrated way to a constantly changing epidemiological situation that profoundly impacts all aspects of civil society.

“Frankly, I feel betrayed. How was I supposed to know he was such an inept blaggard apart from looking at his past actions and listening to him speak?

“Next you’ll tell me that selecting Cabinet members solely on how rabidly they hate Europe is a recipe for disaster as experts try to get decisions out of morons whose only skill is to brainlessly chant Daily Mail headlines during Question Time?”

The growing dissent in the party ranks has echoes of the 2003 ousting of Iain Duncan Smith, where members accused the dull insipid man they elected of being exactly as uninspiring and dreary as he had been during all his political career.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him – get the T-shirt here!

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