Sunday 4 October 2020 by Davywavy

Several White House staffers ‘bitten by zombies but refusing to self-isolate’, reports suggest


White House zombies

After a zombie was identified at a White House election function last week, reports indicate that several senior administration figures have continued their normal schedules despite having been bitten.

Although the President has been admitted to hospital for medical attention, many other establishment figures may also have contracted the undead virus, but are playing down the risk.

Several experts have warned the First Lady may also have been infected but after decades of being married to Trump it would be almost impossible to tell.

”There’s no clear means of transmission of the zombie plague that has been scientifically identified”, said Senator Simon Williams (R-Ohio) whilst scratching the grey and suppurating bite mark on the back of his hand.

“First we’re told it’s direct ingestion of zombie pus, and then it’s diabolical voodoo rites and now the story has been changed to ‘getting bitten’. These scientists don’t know anything and are just making it up as they go along.

”I believe my immune system will be made stronger by exposure to the disease and the risk of me turning into one of the walking dead and consuming my colleagues from this is practically nonexistent.”

Meanwhile in Scotland, the SNP is still split over whether to expel MP Margaret Ferrier, who is understood to have devoured the brains of several fellow passengers on a train last week.

“We appreciate the concerns of people working with Margaret that she might gnaw through her bonds and kill them all, but she is a tremendous, hard-working constituency MP who made one mistake and deserves a second chance,” Nicola Sturgeon told reporters.

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