Friday 2 October 2020 by Lucas Wilde

‘Your cheeseburger with fries and a pint of bleach, Mr. President’


Burger chips and bleach for Trump

President Trump’s butler is serving up the bleach this evening after the President tested positive for Covid-19.

The unusual menu request comes as it was revealed that President Trump and his wife/hostage have both tested for coronavirus.

”Tonight I’ll be serving a cheeseburger made from premium Arizona livestock, cooked well done- well done being the preference of all people with appalling taste, of course,” confirmed butler, Simon Williams.

”On the side will be a generous helping of delicately sautéed French fries, a playful puddle of ketchup and a salad. The salad, as always, is an item of purely decorative interest to the President.

”And to drink, a pint of the finest Chlorox money can buy. I did recommend a fine Malbec but the President was insistent on bleach, and who am I to disagree.”

”I am greatly looking forward to watching him drink it as is his lovely wife Melania, I understand. One shall try to refrain from chanting “chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” but it is an exciting prospect.

President Trump commented, “What are you doing, you idiot? I’m not putting that into my body!

“So get that hideous pile of salad off my plate while I eat my burger and drink this bleach.

“I’m very smart. The smartest.”

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