Friday 2 October 2020

Millions of ‘get well soon’ cards sent to Covid-19


Donald Trump's virus receives get well cards

Covid-19 has spoken out at its shock at the number of ‘get well soon’ cards it has received after it was confirmed the virus was currently fighting for survival inside Donald Trump.

The virus had previously believed it was unpopular, but the outpouring of affection it has seen over the last 12 hours has left it a little tearful.

The virus explained, “I suppose you never really know how people feel about you until they think you’re on the verge of dying.  And it seems many many people do not want to see me shuffle off this mortal coil inside Donald Trump.

“I was feeling pretty low this morning, I have to admit.  Here I am loitering around Donald Trump’s anal sphincter, on the verge of chucking it all in and jumping to the blessed release of death in the toilet bowl below.

“But not anymore, not now I realise just how many people are rooting for me.”

Meanwhile, those who aren’t fans of Donald Trump have sought to clarify their good wishes for the virus.

Chuck Williams said, “This doesn’t mean we want Donald Trump dead. If he dies, the virus dies too.

“We just hope they can coexist peacefully for a little while, the virus exploring all those orifices only visited by America’s most expensive prostitutes, and Donald slowly realising that the virus is real, and actually quite serious for those most likely to be vulnerable to it.

“If he comes out of this in a couple of weeks feeling much better, but with perhaps a slightly different perspective on the disease, then I’ll be happy.

“Plus it doesn’t hurt that he’s going to miss a couple of weeks of golfing.”

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