Friday 2 October 2020

Donald Trump tests positive for ‘Democratic hoax’


Donald Trump has covid-19

US President Donald Trump has tested positive for the disease he called a Democratic and media hoax just a few short months ago.

“I have the Democratic hoax, folks,” Trump told reporters gathered outside his official residence via Twitter.

“They stuck a swab up my nose and in my throat and the doctors now tell me I am riddled with this dangerous Democratic hoax that was made up by the Democrats to hurt me in an election year.

“Obviously the press have tricked me into catching this media hoax, because it’s not real, even though I have it and it’s killed over 200,000 of my countrymen.

“Soon you will all realise that Americans are too tough and simply don’t catch this thing that I have now demonstrably caught.”

Political observers around the world have expressed a lack of surprise at the news.

Commentator Chuck Williams told us, “A country with a massive outbreak, a President who goes out and about with little consideration for protecting himself from the virus, and who regularly downplays the risks of catching it? Of course he was going to get it.

“Let’s be honest, the only surprise is that he’s not found a way of bribing someone for a different set of test results.”

The US government is currently updating advice that the coronavirus not only disproportionately affects the elderly and the obese, but also appears to target those people who were unfortunately prevented from doing their patriotic duty by bone spurs.

Always vote for the side with the fewest arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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