Millions of Americans tune in to prime-time dumpster fire

author avatar by 4 years ago

The United States was gripped by real-time footage of a trash receptacle being consumed in flames last night, with millions of viewers tuning in to watch a blazing dustbin in an alley.

The fire had been heavily trailed by networks, with weeks of advertising promising several tons of rotting garbage being engulfed in a bonfire – and viewers were not left disappointed.

The blaze began at 9PM EST when a man in overalls emptied several cans of gasoline into a receptacle for kitchen scrapings and litter before throwing a flare in and running as hard as he could.

“I expected something which resembled a tiny, private hell behind a cheap diner, and boy did I get it,” said Ellie-Jim Williamson.

“People criticise the media for not delivering these days, but I have to admit this time they were absolutely on the money.

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“Promised a dumpster fire, dumpster fire delivered. Check.”

However, swing voter Maisie-Bob Williams was still undecided.

She told us, “I thought the dumpster made some pretty good points about tax schedules and the Iranian regime in between the crackling of burning garbage and belching out clouds of thick, actinic black smoke.

“And you have to give it credit for not exploding at any time despite the ongoing conflagration.

“I think it was too close to call.”