Tuesday 29 September 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Students allowed to leave halls if they can get past Wolf, Hunter and Ace


Student to face gladiators to leave accomodation

University Students will be allowed to leave their halls of residence… provided they can get past the Gladiators.

Students from the University of Lincoln were delighted to wake up to an email saying they could leave their flats and actually venture out to get some food… but confused by the caveat that they had to get past three gentlemen named Wolf, Hunter and Ace first.

“I googled them, apparently they’re from an old TV show called Gladiators,” said Jake Williams, a geology student.

“Why are you looking at me like that? It is an old TV show! I was born a year after it finished!

“Anyway, the email said I can leave if I can get past these three blokes in spandex… I had a look out the door and sure enough, they were waiting in the corridor in full costumes and padded helmets on, along with some kind of big, padded shield type thingies on their arms. I assume that’s to push me back or something.

“…they’re all quite a bit bigger than me. I don’t fancy it, to be honest.

“There was some bloke in a referee shirt shouting something like “Gladiators, READYYYY” and some bloke with a microphone shouting “AWOOOOGA!”, which I assume is all part of the thing but honestly, I was just confused, so I very slowly closed the door and went back to bed.”

University dean, Malcolm Greggs, said, “See? Told you that would work.

“I mean as far as the board knows, this is a last resort plan to protect the health and wellbeing of our students and staff.

“But the reality is I just really miss Gladiators and, if you’re honest, so do you.”

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